Devastating Sorrow and a Fire From Within
Since their conception in 2021 Bipolar have put out 14 releases on a slew of labels all over the world, such as Noise Itch Cassettes (Germany), Sistema Mortal Tapes (Italy), Fuzzed Atrocities (Australia), Blown Out Media (USA), Razored Raw Records (New Zealand) and Distort Records (Indonesia). What sets Bipolar apart from other bands in the genre is their much darker themes and often abysmal audio production. This is, no gatekeeping intended, not for the faint of hearts. I've been meaning to take a closer look at them for quite some time now and finally got around to it. I wrote them an email asking if I could do an interview and before long Alex got back to me. Here's what we talked about!
1. You (Alex) are from North Macedonia, but Bipolar are from Greenland. Are you the only member that's not from Greenland? Are none of you from Greenland? Now that I think about it, I've never seen any live photos or videos of Bipolar at all... Despite there being names written out on your Bandcamp, I have to ask: Are there even other band members? Is this a one man project?
Well, Pukka sent this interview in my direction since I'm the one mostly called. I was born and live in Skopje, capital of Macedonia. I can surely say it's a place in many ways forgotten by the world. It can often feel lonely and isolated. Most of the people and friends leave this place in search of a better life somewhere around Europe. The "North" is something that came a few years ago but I don't call it that, I don't believe anyone here does. Politicians does the chess game, but I don't really give a fuck about it. It's their dispute, not mine or ours. I've been taking a big part in Bipolar indeed, so you're not wrong, but the band has a few members. Constant and partial, from Greenland and all around I guess, it depends on the need. When Bipolar was formed it was decided that the insights of the band would be well kept between the members and there wouldn't be any live gigs, but here we are. The band did a live gig in Belgium and I believe that's the only time the band played live so far.
1.2 I've completely missed that you did a gig in Belgium, how did it go? Do you remember where in Belgium it was?
Yeah, that one took place at the KAFC squat in Liege. It was a three band gig, the great Silence Means Death, Serial Pissers and us. It was a great gig indeed, well, not much that we remember I guess for obvious reasons but as some old smart people say, if you don't remember it then it must've been good, no? Ha!
2. The logo uses the same font that Disaster used (is it a "real" font or did you make up the letters B, P, O and L?). Is there a deeper meaning to this, are Disaster a big inspiration to Bipolar? I've listened to both bands' complete discography back to back and I can't say I see too many similarities - except for perhaps the cover art. With Disease it's pretty easy to hear which era of Disclose any given album is inspired by, but that doesn't seem to be the case with Bipolar.
Yeah, the logo was done by hand so there's no font there. About the meaning, at first I don't think there was anything deeper except paying tribute to Disaster. Although later it seems to kinda be reflected in the lyrics, and maybe the music itself. I read in some review that it was interpreted as a bipolar version of Disaster and Disclose, which I thought was quite an interesting interpretation of it, and it makes sense. Or, at least I want to believe it does.
3. The topics are mostly about war, but pretty early on the focus takes a shift from the usual war depictions to a more personal perspective. It's more about the mental challenges of war, death and loss. Does this follow your own state of mind through these last three years? Are the lyrics based on your own personal life or are they meant to paint a more general picture?
Yeah, you are correct, it started as a complete homage to Disaster, and war themes were obviously very much the core, but even early on the lyrics switched to personal views and life. I wanted to take somewhat of a different direction and approach, with more freedom to write what I wanted and I felt I could do that with Bipolar. I do the same with Disease but it's different. With Bipolar I have the freedom to do whatever I want and feel like. Not that I don't have that with Disease, but there it's pretty much a clear path, with Bipolar is different. To be honest I wasn't expecting that anyone would put so much attention to it as you did. I've always been kind of laid down in the back when it comes to personal life but it's always kind of a relief when I can write what I feel and what's going on with me, like a personal diary and perspective on things.
3.2 Speaking of psychology, recently you uploaded a post on Instagram thanking people for their understanding and support during the weeks before that, are you struggling with your well-being? Does the band name reflect reality, do you, or anyone else in the band have bipolar disorder? I have personally lived through two depressions and still suffer from it in some form or another (mostly manifested as anxiety) so the topic is always interesting. Not because I enjoy it, of course, but because talking about it is important. And I've come to understand that it's very common in the punk world. I was going to say "in these days", but the truth is people have always struggled with things like this - especially in the punk world it seems.
The topics of personal well being and individual mental health seems to always be kinda hard topics to speak about. If we talk specifically about the event you mentioned then yeah, I went through a hard time once again and I'm really lucky to have family and friends that always support me no matter how much I fuck up. And I'm known to fuck up pretty good. This time was quite bad. I've never talked about it in this way, and I never thought I would, because it's kinda hard to grasp. In a way I feel ashamed and guilty for making everyone that's close to me, and the people I love, have a hard time. I've been a troubled person since my teenage years. I still don't know what, how or why things happened the way they happened and why I am how I am but I do work on it. After years of addiction and serving time in prison it was more or less obvious that I would be diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. To cut the story short, because as I mentioned it's still kind of uncomfortable for me to talk about, the last years were quite hard in terms of events that happened to - and around - me. And the more I tried to ignore or accept all the bad things still standing, the more it just kept doubling on me so it finally took it's toll. So, I had a relapse after the Disease/No Fucker tour.
The downward spiral was extremely fast, it only took 2-3 weeks to be back to behaving as I did years ago. I recognized it very well so luckily I asked for help. I had to quit my job because of this, which I did in a very bad way. But here I am after four weeks doing a lot better thanks to my family and friends. I'm sober. Apparently, one day I couldn't remember anything that happened during the last two months. Maybe it was because of the trauma so the brain kinda protected me by hiding and blocking that period out. I was stuck in substance abuse again, but I only did it to feel better and to be able to function during the days. I had to be told by my fellas what I was doing and how I behaved during that time, which was pretty hard to hear, and I was very sorry and apologized to everyone involved. I still feel guity but I try my best to be myself again. I still have a lot of work to do, going to therapy and changing psychiatrists, but I'll be back in shape sooner or later. I even kinda lost track of what I was writing here so I'll move on to the next question. I think everyone gets the point.
And yeah, it's important to talk about things like this instead of keeping them inside and feel the burden of the world on our shoulders. It's a big relief. There is help, whoever struggles and feels disconnected, abandoned, alone, extremely worthless, we are all wrong. There are people that love and care about us, just as we love and care about them. We are not alone even though the mind usually play games with us and tries to convince us the opposite. But no, we are not alone.
3.3 I'm sorry to hear you're struggling but it eases my mind to know that you can see there are ways to navigate through it. Well, at least that we're all human and we're allowed to break apart. I'm sure a lot of readers can relate to the notion of feeling like a burden at times, I certainly feel like it a lot of the time. An important thing to realize here is that we're almost always our own worst enemies. No one judges us as harshly as we do ourselves. And I think we'd all have a lot to gain from recognizing and accepting help, both from professionals and family and friends. Speaking of this relapse, did it inspire the focus of your latest release, 'Once A Junkie, Always A Junkie'? Do you generally find it helpful to have music as an outlet when going through hard times?
Thanks my friend, I know you've been and going through your own struggles as well, and I hope we will all find better days. Your words are very true. I wish I was more kind to myself instead of putting me down and being so harsh on myself. Your words of being tired and exhausted of the feeling of being a burden to everyone hits home straight away. And I'm sure this is the case for so many of us punks. We have to take care of each other.
Speaking of the latest Bipolar release 'Once A Junkie, Always A Junkie' it was done fast after the tour I believe. It's a personal topic, it's a weird feeling of defeat, I felt the same as I was many moons ago, stuck between nowhere, desperation, addiction and isolation, a feeling that made me wonder what's reality and what's not. I saw myself completing the vicious cycle of it, and realizing how fast it was, was scary. If fear is a weakness, then I'm weak, but finding myself waking up every morning and taking all this shit just to be able to function during the day got me scared indeed. Some will say maybe I've just been stupid, which I am in many cases, but I wish they would never find themselves on that road. And it's okay if they never understand why some do what they do, either it's diving deep into the bottle of booze, or drugs, or whatever someone will do to sooth the pain. I do find it helpful a lot, transforming all the bad into noise, I do hope everyone can find a channel where then can do it and feel at ease, either it's noise, drawing, getting tattoos, or at least not harm and damage themselves to feel a bit of relief from life.
4. One of your earlier releases, 'What Future Holds?', was released as part of a fanzine (Fuzzed Atrocities Zine #3). How come? Were you featured in the zine as well or was it meant as a companion cassette so to speak? You've also released other cassettes on Fuzzed Atrocities, tell me about that co-operation!
I'll have to do a quick check about the time/dates/events because my memory doesn't serve me very well lately. 'What Future Holds?' was released by the great Fuzzed Atrocities indeed, as part of the same named zine issue nr. 3 in 2021. The label also released Bipolar's 'In Desperate Times' discography tape and the 7" split with Nukelickers. I don't think Bipolar was featured in an interview in the zine. About how it happened, I've been friends with Blake for some time. Ergin, a very dear friend of mine and a brother, the drummer of Born For Slaughter and Life Scam, moved to Australia and started a few bands including Dejector with Blake. That's how we got to know eachother and it grew into a friendship, so Blake showed interest in releasing some Bipolar material. That's pretty much how it happened.
5. There aren't many full releases, it's mostly short tapes and splits with two or three tracks each. The only release with more than five tracks is 'In Absence Of Peace' (Blown Out Media). Why is that?
Yeah, I think everyone would like to see and hear a longer Bipolar release, myself included, but it's hard to manage cause we are all around. I think this is the only reason why the releases are kind of short. Which might change in the future if there are any more releases to come. But, let's see what the future holds?!
6. 'Death By Desperation' (Sistema Mortal Tapes & Fuzzed Atrocities), the split with Nukelickers, stand out for a couple of reasons. One: It's the only vinyl release Bipolar has done so far, is it not? Two: The vocals are very different from all other Bipolar recordings, both before and after. And three; the same can be said for the production, it's much cleaner - but only on this one recording. What was the process behind this split and why is it so different?
This Bipolar release was recorded on several places around the world, depending on where everyone was at the time. And yeah, there's female vocals on this release. About the way we recorded it I think it was pretty much done as DIY as always, no studios whatsoever, just in rehearsal places, garages and basements. It depended on where the people that were on this recording were at the time. If I remember correctly it took quite a while. At some point I flew to Belgium where part of recordings were done.
6.2 Was this in conjunction with the live gig you mentioned earlier? Since it was in Belgium and all?
That's correct, I think I've spent a week at my dear friends and family there: Jos and Pascale. For some reason since the day we met, they've been with me in my most problematic periods during these last years. So they have quite a good insight and understanding of what's going on with me. So, we became a family, they come on visits in Skopje and I go visit them in Belgium. Not that often but when I can. This specific time when I was there, they knew I was running on the downward spiral so they took me under their wings for a while. That's when the Bipolar gathering happened with the the rest of the fellas, the recordings were done and the gig took place. We (Athe, Xiaos, Pukka and me) had the pleasure to visit Silence Means Death / Serial Pissers rehearsal place when they rehearsed, I did a new song with them for their band and played the Conquest Disclose cover. It's been a few years since then but it's good to get those memories back. I like to think back on the good stuff there because the bad ones always follows me anyway, and everywhere.
6.3 The aforementioned split came out in 2023, the same year you released 'In The Midst Of Sadness' (Noise Itch Cassettes), which on the other hand has arguably the harshest sound yet. Is there a reason for these two major differences being put out so close together?
Not really, Bipolar functions pretty much free with no borders or deadlines in a matter of having two or more releases in a short period of time or even longer periods from one to another. It just happens when the core members have inspiration to do it. Sometimes as you said it can be a very short distance from one release to another, but sometimes it can take quite a long time. But I think as a band we're quite prolific with releases.
7. One of your latest releases, 'Symphony Of The Hopeless: An Ode Of Saying Goodbye' (Noise Itch Cassettes) does something different. It consists of one single track called 'Wall' that's over nine minutes long. In it there's a mix of Bipolar's usual uncompromising low production raw d-beat and bits of Chopin's 'Marche Funèbre'. This isn't, however, the first time Bipolar has combined these two worlds. 'The Source Of Loneliness - Embittered Existence Of Abandoned Ghosts' (Sistema Mortal Tapes, 2022) features a track called 'Too Late' whose second half concists of Barber's 'Adagio For Strings', but there it's all confined to the later part of the track. In 'Wall' it's intertwined. Is this meant to express duality, is it experimenting with different ways to convey a feeling or is it supposed to be something entirely different? Am I reading too much into it?
I think this way of making songs will continue. It's more likely to be a mishmash of all things you mentioned above. I'd like to think it adds to the way I feel and the gloomy atmosphere at that specific point in time. As I said, the themes of Bipolar lyrics can be about whatever is going on at the time of the making of the songs, so this further explains the lyrics I guess. In some ways it's experimenting and combining the two, which I'd like to think works for Bipolar. Since the lyrics can be very simple, but also very delicate when it comes to personal topics, it adds more explanation to them. It doesn't really have to be classical music although that's been the case for now, but in the future it can be anything that would help to emphasize the feeling of the record.
7.1 A lot of classical music have an effective way of conveying certain feelings for sure. Do you listen to that kind of music in general or did you find these pieces after searching specifically for sad and/or gloomy music? Adagio For Strings was, for example, voted the "saddest classical" work ever in a BBC radio poll back in 2004, I'd imagine because of this it shows up frequently when searching for things like that.
Well, I can't say I'm the biggest fan or that I listen to classical music on a daily basis. I can however catch an ear on something I like, for example in this case the classical stuff. I do have some classical records that I've bought throughout the years. And for Bipolar it's a mix of both. As far as the process of doing new recordings with Bipolar, firstly, 99% of the time the music comes first and the lyrics comes after that. I don't have a clear vison of what it will be until it's all done. At least not conscientiously. It usually gets a shape and form while writing the lyrics. And after comes the decision of what, and if, something should be added which for Bipolar has only been classical music so far.
8. Have you found a label willing to put out 'Once A Junkie, Always A Junkie'? Do you mostly get contacted by labels that are interested or do you seek the labels out yourself? Perhaps it's a bit of both?
As I remember at the beginning there was a bit of both, the later releases were mostly on Noise Itch Cassettes. The founder of the label, Julio, is a very dear friend of mine, we are actually both in World Bastard. I don't remember if there's any Bipolar release so far that hasn't been out on physical format (no that I checked there are), but specifically for 'Once A Junkie, Always A Junkie' the band hasn't searched for any labels, and no labels has shown an interest in putting it on physical format. I don't mind either way although I do enjoy the physical format. But Bipolar is a channel of relief so the most important thing is that it have that kind of therapeutic feel, if that makes any sense. I know for the next Bipolar release which will be a split with Kränker from the Netherlands and it will be on tape. For those not familiar with Kränker, it's a one man project from Enchade. There is a demo out which can easily be found online, check it out, it's worth it.
9. Bipolar is pretty niche in that it's both very dark minded and has a very primitive sound. Your music isn't something I'd put on at a party, it's more something I'd listen to with headphones on my own. This makes me wonder; what has the response been over the years you've been active? Do you get any personal feedback? I know there can be quite a lot of support on social media (likes and shares and so on) and people usually buy things when they can, but how is the feedback when it comes to what people personally think?
Not sure if I know the reality of this, as I'm kinda in the background in Bipolar, being a band from Greenland with Athe, Xiao, Pukka, I haven't received a lot of feedback, and not anyone else as far as I know. I think I can say for sure that Bipolar is a band that if it never existed or if it ceases to exist, it won't be missed by anyone and it will be forgotten in a blink of a second. Which is totally alright. But at the end, I'll be happy if Bipolar brought any kind of emotion to anyone at least while hearing the noise and felt kind of a closure and connection.
10. Is there anything you'd like to add to this interview? Something you feel I left unexplored? I know I went beyond the regular "fast" questions but you were very cooperative, I think it went great.
Thanks for taking your time and going so deep into the work, noise and lyrics of Bipolar. Thanks for having the patience because I know it took a while to answer but here we are. I am a fan of your work and I really enjoyed the approach you took with this because it was more personal and in-depth and it felt like the two of us were having a friendly talk, not just a generic interview answering usual questions like any other band. I don't want anyone to get me wrong, I do a zine myself and I know that every single question is important, but sometimes there is a lot more than the surface. Whatever there is that's unsaid or left behind, let's leave it for another time. Noise is friendship!